God Knows What Lies Behind You
by Xenoglossy
Summary: [XENOSAGA] Quiet time after the final battle in Proto Merkahba gives Jr. an unwilling chance to reflect on his life.


**PRE FIC RANTINGS AND A SPRINKLE OF DISCLAIMER:** Yes, yes I know I should have Patience, since Shion's database promised Xenosaga Ep. II would explain the URTV thing in greater detail, but patience is a virtue I am most certainly not known for. So I want to explain it myself. Okay, okay. I'm not that much of an extremeist, but I do want to write a fic about the URTV's role in Miltia and why things were the way they were in Xenosaga. This is mostly a Jr.-centric fic, but c'mon! He's an angsty redhead! Can you really argue with that  
**Of Albedo:** I don't know what Albedo was like before he was crazy. You don't know what Albedo was like before he was crazy. No one in the game except for Jr. and Guignan (and maybe Helmer and Margulis) know what Albedo was like before he was crazy. I'm not exactly going against canon here, since there was no canon describing Albedo before he was crazy.  
**Of Unit #668:** I have my theories and I'm sure you all have your theories too, but to tell you the truth I'm not even 100% certain we're supposed to have theories about this one, so yeah. I decided not to enforce any of my theories here and just make shit up. C'mon! Making stuff up is fun! ^ ^  
**Title:** The title of this fic comes form a sing called 'Whisper' by Evanescene. It's an uber song and my inspiration for this fic came from it.  
**Listening To:** Rotating between Evanescence and Xenosaga music. Try Albedo's Theme followed by Whisper followed by Pain followed by Away From Me. Uber inspiring.  
_And the Disclaimer... I don't own Xenosaga. Wow. Big surprise, eh? _

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_'In the beginning there was the Word,  
and the Word was with God,  
and the Word was God.'_  
- John 1:1 

God Knows What Lies Behind You  
Cephied Variable 

0.0000000001: prolouge  
_the larger the number you divide by one the closer you get to zero_

"The real problem with the Miltian conflict is that no one really knew what was going on." 

"Hmm." Jr. nodded his head offhandedly in agreement, concentrated mostly on the strenious task of scanning book titles far out of his reach. Jin Uzuki was working studiously at the other bookcase, seeming less familiar with his own literary collection that Jr. was. MOMO sat crosslegged on Jin's work desk, watching the two search with an unreadable expression, weaving the thin fingers of one of her hands through her pinkish hair. 

"I'm sure if the general populace of the system truly understood what was really going on they would have had a little more sympathy." 

"Uh huh." Jr.'s gaze moved down and his fingers ran along the dusty spines of the old books as he read through them systematically, "But you're not taking human nature into consideration. The war didn't concern anyone except Miltians themselves until the last leg of it. Why should anyone care about something that doesn't involve them?" 

"That's a rather nihilistic world view." 

"Yeah, well it's a rather nihilistic world." 

"Oh, I found it!" Jr. snapped his head around to glance at Jin who was rising with the grace of a swordsman, clutching in one long hand a rather beaten, dog-earned volume. It was decievingly thin and bound in black leather, the fine-letter writing on the cover long worn off the imprints they once occupied. He smiled, dusted it off lightly and handed it to Jr. The red head took the book and flipped through it quickly. 

"Wow. The Christian Bible... now this is something I haven't seen in a while" he exclaimed as he paced across the room and leaned casually against the desk where MOMO sat. The Realian girl peered over his shoulder curiously as he flickered through the thin, rice paper pages. 

"I've never seen a book before." she commented, her chin almost resting across Jr.'s shoulder, "Seems a strange way of keeping track of data." 

"By today's standards, it's impractical." Jin agreed, "But back in the day it was about the only sure way of keeping anything written down for a long time." 

MOMO nodded heavily, looking at the older man, then fell back into spying on the ancient text over Jr.'s shoulder. After a few moments, the boy slammed the book shut and handed it to her reluctantly. 

"You really sure you want to read it? It's some pretty heavy stuff." 

MOMO made a hurt expression as her delicate hands closed around the battered book, "Jr., you don't have to protect me from everything, you know. Anyways, from what Ziggy told me no one but fanatics like the U-TIC orginization really believe this stuff anyways." 

Jr. raised an eyebrow, "Ziggy said that, did he?" 

MOMO stared at the book darkly, holding it away from herself as if she was afraid it might contain some sort of infectous virus, "Yeah." 

"Hmph." Jr. crossed his arms and aquired a sour expression, "Well, you'd be surprised. You shouldn't always believe everything Ziggy tells you MOMO. Remember, his brain is over a century out of date." 

"Jr.!" the young Realian gasped and shot her friend an incredelous expression, "You shouldn't say things like that! Ziggy's a good person! Besides, he's saved us all quite a few times in the past. You should be grateful." 

Jr. winced and uncrossed his arms, digging them into his low pockets and curling his fingers into fists. MOMO wasn't very good at being angry, but she had a talent for making people regret their words without being too forthright about it, "Er, yeah. You're right. Sorry I said anything." 

MOMO gave him a long look that clearly said: 'No you're not, but that's okay.' before sighing heavily and returning her attention to the book. From the other side of the room Jin coughed awkwardly and removed himself from the stotic pose he had struck, relaxed with his shoulders pressed against the wall. He stroked a long piece of dark hair from his face and shrugged quickly, heading for the door. 

"I just remembered that my sister asked me to meet her more than forty five minutes ago." he grinned apologetically, "You know how Shion is. She'll probably take a fit only because it's me." he bowed politely as he backed out the door, "I trust you two can manage on your own?" 

Jr. nodded, "Of course. We're not children after all." he shot MOMO a wry look but she only gazed back at him blankly. Jin on the other hand caught the joke and chuckled sharply. 

"I suppose we'll see you at dinner then?" 

"Of course. Oh, and by the way Mr. Uzuki." Jin looked back breifly. "Uh, thank you for the hospitality." 

MOMO grinned widely at this and when Jin was gone Jr. reddened. There weren't many times that he had a chance to feel as young as he looked, being involved in running a fast-growing business like the Kukai Foundation while secretly battling the U-TIC forces and as of recently, helping uphold the fragile fabric of the Galatic Empire, but when MOMO had told him (discreetly of course) earlier that day to 'be sure to thank Mr. Uzuki for everything he's done for us', he felt every bit the pre-pubescecent brat he appeared to be. Proper manners weren't things he often had time for, but they were very important to MOMO, so he supposed he could make an effort at making them important as well. 

He rolled his eyes and rested his back against the desk again as MOMO read. His too-big jacket slipped off his shoulders and he realized that the weather on Second Miltia this time of year was far too warm for him to be dressed the way he was. Though if it were solely up to him, he'd have been back on the Durandal, but since the collapse of Proto Merkahba and the assault of the Kukai Foundation, Guignan had been taking his sweet time sending down a transport to fetch them. Besides that, Jin had been very kind to take them in and it was almost like a vacation after the fact. Nevetheless, vacations by nature often involved free time and free time led to thinking. Thinking led to brooding, which led to sulking, which led to a very grumpy Jr. stomping around and generally getting on the nerves of everyone within a ten mile radius. In fact, Guignan often would refuse him any vacation time whatsoever, which is why it was strange that he was so insistant that Jr. prolong his stay on Second Miltia as long as possible. 

_'Come on, Rubedo. You've been complaining about being under stress lately. Besides, you just saved millions of lives, you deserve a break!'_

Jr. was suspicious whenever Guignan spoke like that. It wasn't like him to be any more forgiving with Jr. than he was with himself, so it meant that Guignan was trying to force him to read the subtext. There were two possibilities. Either there were some seriously delicate political negotiations going down around Kukai that Guignan didn't want Jr.'s hotheaded and impulsive nature tearing apart, or Guignan simply wanted him to think. 

Really think. 

Really think about things that he had been trying to avoid thinking about for fourteen years. Which also meant that Guignan probably hadn't really forgiven him for everything that happened down on Miltia that day inside _The Song of Nephilim_. The realization hurt a bit more than Jr. thought it would, but he figured that Guignan would get over it eventually. The man was so level headed sometimes that it made him sick. 

"Jr., what's wrong?" Jr. turned his head to find MOMO staring at him disconcertingly with her large, yellow eyes. She had her finger held in the book about 20 pages in and the volume now lay forgotten in her lap. 

"Eh?" Jr. forced a grin and folded his arms behind his neck carelessly, "Wrong? Nothing's wrong." 

"Don't lie, Jr. Ever since I was kidnapped, you've been acting strange." 

"There's really nothing wrong. I've just been under a lot of stress." he shook his head and snickered, "Mary and Shelly are the same way. Man, what is it with you women? Can't a guy get stressed out once in a while without having to suffer the third degree?" he glanced back at MOMO, but she was still frowning at him distinctly. 

"So you aren't thinking about what he said?" 

Jr. dropped his arms and turned fully so that he was facing MOMO. He knotted his arms together across the desk's surface and rested his chin on his forearms, "You're getting at something, aren't you?" 

MOMO nodded, "He said a lot of things back there that I didn't understand, but I knew it was hurting you. He was enjoying it but... but..." she stopped and srucnhed up her brow as if rethinking her phrasing before cotinuing, "I want to understand, Rubedo." 

"What!?" Jr. widened his eyes and glared at her, "What did you just...?" 

"I'm sorry!" MOMO bit her lip and rocked back slightly, trembling, "I said something I shouldn't have, didn't I?" 

Jr. shook his head tenatively, "No. I, uh, I just..." 

"But that's your name, isn't it? Your name _is_ Rubedo." 

Jr. blinked and lowered his head slowly, "I... I guess so. It's just, no one really calls me that except for..." he trailed off. 

MOMO finished his setence quietly, "Albedo." she whispered, the quiver in her voice noticable, "Right?" 

"And Guignan sometimes. When he wants something from me, but... MOMO I don't get what you're talking about. What do you want to understand?" 

"The Miltian war, of course!" she said all too quickly, her mechanical eyes glistening with undefinable excitment, "You were there, weren't you Jr.? I want you to tell me about it." 

Jr. furrowed his brow, "What the hell do you want to know about the Miltian war for?" 

MOMO lowered her head and strands of pinky-orange tumbled from her shoulders and across her face, obscuring her eyes from vision, "I... I was born from that war, Jr. I know I was there, before I was born. I was in Proto Merkahba when Daddy... he..." her lip began to shake and she stopped talking, looking up at Jr. suddenly and startingly, "I only know his side of the story. You were there and you saw it all." 

"I didn't see 'it all'." Jr. retorted, "Whatever gave you that idea? I didn't see all that much of the war, and what I did see of it aren't exactly memories I enjoy sharing." he snorted, "Besides, anything I tell you will most likely be highly skewered. There is more than one side to a story and when it comes to something like the Miltian war there are more sides than you'll ever have a chance to hear about in a whole lifetime. My recollection of events wouldn't exactly explain what really happened." 

"That's okay." MOMO said softly, "I don't think I want to hear everything all at once anyways. And it's okay that your view is biased. It's not just the war I want to understand, Jr. I also want to understand you." 

Jr. didn't have a good answer for that. His gaze locked with MOMO's and they remained like that until he felt uncomfortable and tore his eyes away, focusing them on some far spot beyond that wall that he couldn't actually see but was willing to make an admirable attempt at pretending he could. There was a prolonged silence as he considered what MOMO had said while tapping his fingers against his arms. MOMO twisted her hair and looked as if she was going to cry. 

"Jr. I- I'm sorry." she sniffed, swinging her legs over the side of the desk and landing with a soft thud. She tucked the book under her arms and stared hard at the floor, "I shouldn't have asked you. S-sometimes I forget that you're not young like I am, so I... I..." she turned quickly, "I'll see you at dinner." 

Jr. blinked, breaking his concentrated stare, and regarded MOMO's distraught manner. He spent only a split second more thinking about it before calling out to her, "MOMO, wait!" she stopped stiffly, her movements both ridgid and relieved as she turned around to watch him questioningly. 

He wasn't sure what it was about MOMO that seemed to bring out the best in him. He wasn't even sure what had drawn him to her in the first place. After all, she wasn't exactly human and by human standards she was little more than an infant, but there was something about her wide-eyed nature and childish naiviety that he found irresistably charming. She knew and could acknowledge that she was nothing more than a very elaborate machine constructed in an old man's labratory, yet she lived her life as though she weren't aware of that minor detail. Jr. supposed that he liked her so much because she was a machine that believed herself to be human while he had spent a good deal of his years as a human thinking he was a machine. 

He sighed heavily and said: "Okay. Okay, I'll tell you what I know. I doubt I'll answer any of your questions but it's worth a try anyways, right?" 

MOMO smiled. 


End file.
